SugarySweetChan

wow this is gonna be long so bare with me...sorry :/
So yesterday I returned from school as usual, and of course these past 4 months ive been eating BADLY and POORLY (well thats what my parents said after all the drama that happened yesterday), thats because I have like developed an eating disorder and i WORRY LIKE HECK over my weight. So, ever I since started starving myself (yeah starving), my ribcage began to show and the worst part is that under my ribcage, it started showing like a puffed-slightly inflated appearance. I wasn't even worried about that DO YOU EVEN BELIEVE THAT. So, i finally decided to spill the secret to my mom, but mom told dad in a split second and that made it WORSE. And my father was pretty sure this was gonna happen and he wasn't a fan of my diet-idea.He told me that If i end up with some sort of sickness or even ANAEMIA, I'm in big trouble. My mom wasn't supporting it either and it made her sad seeing me not eating from what she makes. She also would tell me that I should eat whatever I want and it's not good to starve yourself from eating what you love. My dad took me to the clinic near us after lunch, but my mom came in with me instead. We waited and PAYED for registering fees and so on and waited for our turn until probably sunset. Once it was our turn and the doctor examined me, she looked at me and said to my mom that I might have a bone problem, which btw sounded TERRIFYING to mom. The doctor advised us to go to the bone hospital.Mom called Dad and told him everything. Once dad came to pick us up, he didn't believe it either. He said he's taking me to another clinic. Once me and mom were there, we waited for AGES for my turn and once our turn, the doctor there weighed me and my mom insisted a blood and urine test done. I probably weigh 46.5 KILOS i mean that's SO UNDERWEIGHT for my age and height! When the doctor examined me, she said thats normal because once you lose weight up to the ribcage edges, there is a fatty layer covering the organs underneath. That shows up when you are UNDERNOuRISHED or under-fed. I also haven't had my period for 4 MONTHS or so and she also told me that extreme undernourishment was to blame (i can only blame myself). My blood was good, 11.9 in haemoglobin level and no sign of anaemia. phew. Urine is good.too. But of course, MOM told the doctor about my lack of carbohydrate,fat,sugar and calcuim intake, and that she was relieved it's not a BONE problem because she was about to faint. Doctor even said that I shouldn't even be DIETING of any sort, because im still young and i have a long way to still go in life. She said that NO cure or medicine could fix this, except returning to my eat-all-the-things habit. She said that special diets are only given to cholestrol and diabetic patients, not teens who are still growing. She told me that i can eat what i want,regardless of dieting and weight. Doctor even said she will fix me an appointment with a bone doctor and nutritionist at another hospital. She advised me to eat more carbohydrate,fat and calcium and have REAL meals everyday and never skip a meal. My parents were furious with me in the car, that they insisted they'd watch me 24-7 at every meal. Mom will never let me go to school without eating a proper breakfast and my dad won't let me sleep without dinner. So, you see, before all of this diet shit happened, i used to eat everytime,everything. Fast food,chocolate,crisps,soda,pastries,cake,biscuits,instant soups and more junk food. It's cos at those days, I was bashed for being too 'skinny' by my relatives. I eventally ate everything and ballooned up INSTANTLY. I was so CAREFREE those days, eat anything and never gave a fuck about having a belly or thighs too large. NOW, I slimmed to the point of being called a 'skeleton' by my relatives and parents. My thighs started getting curved like I have rickets or somethin and I'm experiencing hair thinning for a while now. My parents insist i'd return that way or ELSE. Now at the moment, im slowly returning to who i was before, eating and snacking like i never have before. I just hate my body and my face and everything. I feel like im useless,ugly and pathetic and my parents always seem to be RIGHT about me on EVERYTHING. Why cant i eat what i want and stay stick thin like others?

If you have any advice, I'd love to hear from you guys.     
Just please no hating comments,okay? 

I decided to do this for fun, sooo...
---------------------------------
BASIC...
Name: Lora?????? ???????
Birthday: 17th August????
Height: idk
Weight: 50-55kg idk
Eye Color: Dark brown
Hair Color: Black
Race:
Zodiac Sign: Leo

DO YOU...
Drink?:  NO
Smoke?: NO
Use Drugs?: NO
Cuss?: YES sometimes
Play Any Instruments?:  NOPE...
Have Any Peircings?: I WISH
Have Any Tattoos?: I WISH
Like To Annoy People?: Yes
Like Life?:  Sometimes
Wear Make-Up?: No all the time...
Dye Your Hair?: I WISH
Scream At The top of your lungs for no reason?:  YESs
Get Distracted By Shiny Objects?:....
Like Pina Coladas?:...
And Getting Caught In The Rain?: NO

ARE YOU...
Dependable?:  I wouldn't guarantee you tho
Trustworthy?: Yes
Obsessive?:
Hyper Active?:  Sometimes
Happy?:  Not all the time
Content?:...
Boring?:  I don't talk much so yeah
Violent?: If you kick me, I'll kick you harder
Evil?: No
Hippie-Ish?: I don't think so
Shy?: yes...
Paranoid?:  Maybe
Annoying?: Not all the time
Social?: Nah, not really
Religious?: Yea...

WHATS YOUR FAVORITE...
TV Show?: Supernatural/How I met your mother...
Movie?: Knowing
Band/Singer(s)?: Sia/Avril Lavigne/Pitbull
Song?: Every single sia song
Book/Story?: Dork Diaries/Diary of a Wimpy Kid
Color(s)?: Black/Purple/Blues/Reds
Shape?: Cubes and pyramids
Animal?: Wolves hEhe, leopards, cheetahs, lions, tigers, panthers, cats, huskys
Person(s)?: My mom, my cousins lol
Smell?: Permanent marker ink, flowers
Flower?: Roses
Subject?: Biology
Board
Musical
Sport?: Gymnastics
Word?: Heart
Quote?: When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in somebody's eyes
Hobby?: Draw, Draw, Draw
Store?:....
Season?: Winter
Time Of Day?: Night

WHATS YOUR...
Worst Fear?: To fail in school
Life Goal?:  To become an illustrator/artist/biologist
Greatest Accomplishment?: IDK

WHICH ONE...
Pepsi Or Coke?:  Water lol
McDonald's Or Burger King?: Neither
Converse Or Vans?: idk
Dogs Or Cats?: Cats
AIM, YIM Or MSN Messenger?:...
Chicken Or Fish?:  I can't choose
Black Or White?:  Both
MTV Or FUSE?
MP3 player, ipod or CD player?:  All
Pants Or Shorts?: Pants

DISCRIBE YOUR PERFECT...
Day: Idk yet
Room: Can't describe how I want it..
Life: When it's easy with no dramatic shit happening
World: Where ever one is happy
Romantic Date: Forever Alone

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
God?:  Of course
Heavan & Hell?: Yes
Angels & Demons?: Yes
Reincarnation?: Idk
Yourself?: Yes
Ghosts?: Yes
UFOs?:  Probably
Big Foot?: Probably
Lockness Monster?: Probably
A Thing Called Love?: Yes

WOULD YOU EVER...
Kill Someone Else?: No
Kill Yourself?: No
Beg For Money?: No
Skydive?:  I would try
Bunjee Jump?: I would try
Make out in the rain?: If that ever happens
Run Away From Home?:  Nah
Ride A Motorcycle?:  Id LOVE to!
Do Extreme Sports?:  YES.


MORE ABOUT YOU...
Do You Own A Car?: Nah
Ever Been To Jail?: Nah
Ever Gotten Kicked out?: Nah
Do You Have A Job?: I go to high school, is that a job?
Do You Like Taking Surveys Like This?: Yes

THATS ALL FOLKS...
Are You Lonely?: Yeah
Are You Sitting In A BeanBag Chair Eatin' Cheetos?: Nah
Do You Fee The Urge To Send Me A Thousand Dollars?: YEs
Really?: Yep
Do You Know Where That Comes From?:..
How Many Licks Does It Take To Get To The Center Of A Tootsie Pop?: 1000 maybe
Is That Your Final Answer?:  no
Are You Sure?: no
Postitive?: Yes
Glad That This Is Over?: It was fun tho.

Ahhhhhh, it's been forever and ever but....

Wooo-hooo! I finally finished my end-of-semester exams yesterday!!!.

And time for partying!
   :bademoticon:                   

 But I'm gonna admit that I'll miss school a bit, cos I still wake up early. Meh, I got used to it enough for this year. But I'm sick as hell in some parts of the day, probably because 'Aunt Flow' visited me on Monday, and my cramps stomach hurts sometimes as nasty AF.

Probably I'll go and play some Playstation in a couple of hours, cos I haven't moved my ass from this chair since an hour ago, and my butt hurts if I sit longer than 2 hrs.

Another thing, those exams were as awkward AF. They make you sit in a huge hall, actually our school theatre, for like 2-3 hours or so, and your like 1 meter away from the other students, expecting you to finish in this period with no going out til the exam is OVER. And you like finish the exam in 1 and a half hour, and sit there all  like 'what am I doing with my life in here'. With your ass on the same chair for 2-3 hrs for nearly a week and a half,every day.

And that moment when your studying and the sh** you studied isn't even in the f***ing test. And when your 'studying' and your actually distracting yourself with something else, and nearly losing the golden chance to getting straight A's. That's what I've been doing every.single.exam.

AHHH, I already feel like tons of bricks off my shoulders! But I'm gonna really miss friends who are transferring to other schools, like REALLY miss them. And those bitchy ass girls who pretend to be your friend, and the type of girls who look like some fancy ass cake ass type.

And staying at home is half-happy,half-b.o.r.i.n.g. My dad is not that nice anyway, he is that cruel-no mercy type. The shouting type,the not-so-mr-nice-anymore. He still goes to 'work' and my mom is home-type. Mom is nicer that dad, like millions of times better than him. And my grandma is here ever since last Friday and might go home tmrw. So that means I have my ass at home no going out. Meh, got used to it anyway.  

Bye for now! 
I'll go to watch some anime....like Diabolik Lovers or PASWG.

 

<sub>I need help! The fucking send button to reply to comments or even leave comments doesn't work!UUUGH! I've tried reloading the page and checking the internet connection but the damn thing doesn't work STILL!
      
I really want to flip my desk already!     

On my other account, it works fineeee! But, yesterday and today, the stupid thing doesn't work! All it shows is a stupid grey button ''SEnd"

Help anyone?</sub>

_{So, this is my first jornal entry. I hope someone replies to this. On Thursday, yes on the 3rd of March, we had a little technical problem at school. Some girls in my class brought their cellphones to use in class, you know I mean to text their boyfriends likely. We have these little cameras mounted in each class, into the walls. So, they were caught off guard texting in the bathrooms and classes by the vice principal and our social consultant. We had a short test on the 4th period when they came in and went through every boy and girl's backpack, searching these phones! Personally I don't have a phone and of course, they will catch me if I did have one in class. After all this searching, they found phones in three of our girl's backpacks and took them down to the principal. The rest of us were dying to know what happened to them, but for sure, the vice confiscated their phones and the social consultant gave their parents a call. At recess, some of the boys and girls (including me) in our class were passing through the corridoors on the ground floor by purpose to peek inside the principal's office. It was all silent in there, and the door blinds were shut down so no one from outside could see. I heard my other friend say that the vice was going through their messages and photos,too!Eeek. So, me and my friend gave up trying to peek inside and went to the playground to chat. We were talking about who could be texting the girls in our class in school. So my friend replied that it was likely to be their boyfriends or crushes, as in the bathroom they were taking selfies and sending them to their crushes. We went through all of the girls boyfriends names and when we got to the last girl, I asked my friend:''What about ____? Doesn't she text anyone? She also brought a cellphone,remember?''
She repied:''She loves________. I heard her say that once". But that name was not an ordinary name. It was the name of my first crush. Okay, to admit. I have a crush, but we never spoke to each other. He was showing all the signs of liking me even without saying a single letter. He used to show all these signs to me but I never knew he tricked me (ok maybe) into this! ''Wait, where did she get ________'s number? I never seen them speak to each other!'' I said.
"She got it from, you know, Snapchat and all of this stuff. Looks to be they have been doing this for long! Even she wrote ______ as a nickname for him so no one can know if she's texting him!'' she told me, as recess finished and It was time to go back to class. I felt like all hope was lost. And I know my friend wasn't lying because she isn't a fashionista like them and whatever she says happens, even she told me right in assembly in the morning that something was going to happen to them today. I'm never going to do this crush thing again. Even when back in class, I barely looked at him like I normally do, nor even smile at him. Well, I'm pretty over it now, after watching Buzzfeed's "How to get over your crush" video and after my mom bought me some ice-cream and some books. Well, I have to go back studying for my English test! Anyone have some advice?
Ooo, nearly forgot! Does anyone know the best graphics tablets for beginner-intermediate hobbyist artists? I'm looking for one everywhere on Amazon but all of them seem too professional and too expensive to me! Maybe between $150-$200)?}